A New Perspective

“He settles the childless woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Praise the LORD” Psalm 113:9

I sit with my husband on a sunny afternoon, in beautiful Clearwater Beach in a swimsuit for the third day in a row, this time though, as I look at myself in a swimsuit, I notice something a little bit different, something that hadn’t been visible to the world the last time we had vacationed here, four years before. This is a tiny scar on my belly button. My husband sees my gaze, watching as I look down at my body with a disappointed look on my face. He smiles and holds my hand saying “I am so proud of that scar.” I look up at him and see in his eyes that this is true. I look down at my body once more, noticing the small change on my skin. It doesn’t define me, I think to myself, but I realize that in reality, it actually does.

Now you may be thinking that I am referencing this definition in a negative way, but it actually means just the opposite. Let me share with you just a portion of our journey…

My husband and I were married in 2014, and soon after that begin talking about having children. 2016 comes around and the conversation starts to become more and more real. In March 2016 I find myself walking into the emergency room, with a pain in my stomach. I soon find out that this pain is a ruptured ovarian cyst. Little did I know that this ruptured cyst would start the journey of a lifetime. Fast forward to July 2017, after countless doctors visits and medical checkups and I am sent in for a small surgical procedure to check for possible endometriosis. I never thought I would wake up from that surgery and hear the words “stage 4” coming from my surgeons mouth. I left that clinic with a diagnosis of endometriosis and surprisingly more questions than answers.

I am 26 years old, still a young woman in my 20’s, overall healthy and in good shape. I really don’t “fit the bill,” for having any medical issues but who am I kidding, the word “infertility” doesn’t waste time for anyone.

Since that surgery I have learned to not be defined by the word “infertility” but really embrace the word “fertile.” I have experienced a support from family and friends that I never thought possible. I have joined a wonderful, community of loving and supportive women, some even within my own community. I have become more prayerful and purposeful in my own prayer life, seeing my faith in a different light. My husband and I grew into a greater union with one another. We have learned to grow together, loving each other in a more purposeful way. I am fairly certain that without this journey, without this diagnosis, our marriage wouldn’t be as strong as it is. We have learned to love in a quiet way, just enjoying each other for who we are.

So, if that diagnosis defines me as having more friends and loving support from those around me, so be it. If that diagnosis defines me as more prayerful, sign me up. And if that diagnosis brings my husband and I closer, well let’s just say that I am very blessed!

Now don’t get me wrong, there are ups and downs in our journey and days that I wish we wouldn’t have to go through this, but I know I am lucky because endometriosis is not a life threatening issue, however the pain associated with it can be very harsh. The cause behind endometriosis is still largely unknown within the medical community and very little is reported on a “cure,” though with some natural approaches endometriosis and the symptoms associated with it can be managed.

So as I sit on a beach with my husband, I look down at my scar once more and a small smile also comes to my face. I too am proud of this scar and all of the definitions associated with it.

Today I embrace the meaning behind this scar and my diagnosis, knowing full well that this scar really DOES define me and for that I am forever grateful!

#fertility #flipthescript #NIAW #iamfruitful #journeytobabycournia #miracles #speaktruth #mominthemaking #fruitfulmiracles

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8 thoughts on “A New Perspective

  1. rachelblogsaboutthings April 24, 2018 / 10:43 pm

    Ashlee, such a beautiful post! Thank you for sharing about your endometriosis diagnosis – it will bless so many women!

    Like

    • journeytobabycournia April 25, 2018 / 12:58 am

      Thank you Rachel for your kind words! I am so hopeful that it will help other women break through their silence!

      Like

  2. Jean April 25, 2018 / 2:58 am

    Beautiful post thank you so much for sharing this journey. Love and hugs!

    Like

    • journeytobabycournia April 25, 2018 / 6:57 pm

      Thank you Jean!

      Like

  3. Dana April 25, 2018 / 3:11 am

    Ashlee,
    Reading your posts bring back a lot of sad times for me,16 years ago to be exact. All I wanted was to have a baby, I lost my first baby at 12 weeks, I knew I would always have trouble conceiving so this was a shock that I could actually get pregnant, losing that baby was terrible, it was some of the saddest days I had ever experienced, it was so dark. The days drug on and so did the months of not being able to conceive, I found it hard to be happy for anyone around me that was pregnant and lost some friends too, along the way that were pregnant, I was so bitter and sad. None of it seemed fair. I never knew if I would ever get the chance to have any children but God did listen after 17 long months after I lost my first baby. It was such a long road of disappointment, but finally a sweet little blonde haired blue eyed miracle made her way into our lives, and my second sweet girl 4 years later, thank God for creating doctors that can give people like me children. Ashlee and Jay there Is so much love you have to give a child, I know God is listening.

    Like

    • journeytobabycournia April 25, 2018 / 6:56 pm

      Thank you for sharing your story with us! What a beautiful blessing for you! I have had my fair share of bad days as well, but I know the beauty of God’s love for us. Thank you for your kind words!

      Like

  4. Carolyn Erb April 30, 2018 / 12:17 am

    May God continue to bless you with graces as you make this difficult journey. I was barren for four years and can appreciate your emotional and trying days.

    Liked by 1 person

    • journeytobabycournia April 30, 2018 / 2:17 pm

      Thank you Carolyn! We love to hear from our followers. It is a trying time for sure, but God is so good! 🙂

      Like

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